Post 5

Yikes, I've fallen behind on my posting about my new calm 2011!

I read this today online, and it's a phrase that I have heard many times before. It goes hand and hand with calmness.

"Let go, and let God."

That phrase is so simple, so true, and so hard to do! I mean, it sounds easy...but in our crazy chaotic world WE want to be in control. So, as I sat here reflecting on that, I realized that the moments in which I am NOT calm are those moments when I am trying to control everything. I'm not letting God have the reins.

As humans on this Earth, we do not have on single say over anything that is happening, is going to happen, and what has happened. (How do you like the use of verb tenses there? I'm working on that with my 3rd graders right now. ha)

I know there are people out there like me. You let a thought consume you so deeply that you have trouble functioning! I mean, you smile and nod and put on this front that you have everything calm, cool, and collected inside. The reality is that inside you have a storm brewing. That storm is building and building until finally the clouds give way to a downpour.

You can talk to people, and they'll comfort you for the time being. However, when you are alone with your thoughts that's when anxiety hits at it's worst.

Don't get me wrong, I have come a LONG way in my battle with anxiety. It's been a long fight but it gets better and better. Staying busy helps, but it isn't the answer. As soon as you stop running around, the worry, the anxiety, and the helpless feeling is there waiting for you. However, grounding yourself in your faith, and talking about it with someone helps to bring you that calm and peace.

I can remember having this moment one time. It was a time in my life when I was hearing of TERRIBLE things going on. A friend with cancer, people diagnosed with life threatening illnesses, and other various things. Sometimes I catch myself thinking, "well if all of these bad thing can happen to them, it will happen to me soon too." Wow. Do I sound crazy or what? I think more of you have that feeling too... Anyway, I know that I have heard of people hearing God's voice speak to them, and I'm not sure if that is what happened to me...but, I can remember being in the shower and thinking about all of these troubles people were going through. I distinctively had a thought come into my head that said, "That's their journey, not yours." I don't know if this was God or not, but I'd like to think it was. I remind myself of that phrase when moments feel overwhelming. "That's their journey, not yours."

I remember the first time Chris saw me have a freak out moment. I think it scared him. Honestly, I can't remember what set me off the first time, but he remembers that he had a helpless feeling of trying to comfort me, and not being able to say the right things. He stayed with me regardless, and I think it brought us closer because I shared something very personal with him. I completely trust him with my anxiety!

So in today I didn't choose a piece of scripture to write about. I heard that phrase and wanted to elaborate on it and also challenge myself to, "Let go, and let God."

Have a blessed weekend y'all,

Mrs. KB