47 Days

It all comes down to 47 days.

47 days that I didn't know to treasure until I hit day 41, the day my Dad decided to go into Hospice care.

Monday, March 5th my dad called me at work. He was done fighting. In hide sight, he was right. One problem after another kept coming up. And not little problems, major ones. Katie Grisham updated you on all of that.

March 5th Father James (from my school) came to the hospital with me. By the time I got there around noon, my dad had already been assessed and recommended by a doctor for Hospice care. He was accepted. Hospice? Really? Had I overlooked how bad my Dad's condition was? It was time to IMMEDIATELY spring into action.

How was I going to pay for all of this? Where was I going to take my dad to let him live out the rest of his days? Who could help me?

That is the thing about these situations, people ask you "How can I help?" I wanted to say so many times, "Can you please become my Dad's Power of Attorney?" I am 27 years old. I thought I was grown up. Nope. Adulthood was facing me head on.

Baptist Trinity Hospice House...you are amazing. Not only was I able to get an affordable rate, but you also gave my dad the best care I could ever imagine.

I had to make some tough financial decisions to make. I had to make these decisions because 1, I needed to pay for my dad's hospice care and 2, I needed money for a funeral. Did I just say funeral?

6 days...

My Dad was on hospice 6 days. The first day he was there, he didn't really want to talk. I wanted my Dad to say to me so badly, "Katie, you did a good job, this place is really nice." I didn't get that response. I got, "It's really quiet here." It was quiet in comparison to the hospital. But, I guess I was just looking for some reassurance that he was okay with the decision I made. He was very quiet on day 1. But in comparison to the remaining 5, it was the most that my Dad talked to me.

Everyday he went downhill. Day 2, he would rouse and talk to me. We would have somewhat of a conversation. I tried to keep it lighthearted. I talked to him about things like basketball, and things going on in the news. Day 2 was also when the social worker met with me. She explained that based on their assessment, it was likely that according to my Dad's situation he had days to weeks left to live...not months. She said as uncomfortable as it's going to be, you need to begin thinking about funeral arrangements.

It is very strange to talk about your Dad's funeral before he's gone. It was something I HAD to do, but it left me with this sick feeling that I don't ever want to feel again.

Day 3, I got little to no response from my dad. However, I did have news to tell him which was that his brothers from Connecticut were coming down to see him. These are brothers that he was estranged from, so having them down for a visit was a big deal. I wanted my dad to hang in there until they got there. They had unfinished business to attend to. I reminded my dad every day that they were coming, just keep hanging on.

Day 4, even more limited response. Things were looking grim, and I knew it. Did I still want to accept that my Dad was dying? No. Because people told me he could hang on for DAYS like this. I still had DAYS.

Day 5, his brothers arrived. I was so overjoyed to see my uncles. I was worried about how things would go down when we got to the hospice house. I can tell you this though, I witnessed a miracle. Day 5, my dad responded very little, but I could tell by the reaction on his face that he knew who had come to see him. I also witnessed forgiveness. TRUE forgiveness. The moment they walked in, saw my dad, and talked to him...they forgave him. It was instant. Their faces changed. My heart was so happy for my dad.

The morning of Day 6, I called early in the morning to check on my dad. His nurse Tammy (who I loved!) told me these exact words, "Your dad is actively dying." Ton of bricks. Hit. Hard. It was real. I panicked. I hadn't chosen a funeral home, I hadn't gotten all of the financial stuff in order, I hadn't had enough time! There was not enough time!

I quickly showered, called my uncles, and my mom and we met at the hospice house. My mom and I arrived first. I walked in, saw my dad, and broke completely down. I don't even want to describe what I saw, it was too painful. I sat on the couch and cried. The nurse pulled me out. My head was spinning. No one, I mean NO ONE, prepares you for stuff like this. I prayed out loud for God to take my dad. I couldn't take how my dad looked, I couldn't take the fact that I thought he was suffering, I simply couldn't take it. Once all of the family arrive at the hospice house, they took our family into a meeting room and explained to us what was going on. The church was called in, and we took vigil at the Hospice house that day. I couldn't stay in the room with my dad for more than a couple of minutes at a time. I felt physically sick to my stomach, lightheaded and dizzy. Many people came by that day, my close friends, family, church members, you name it. I would walk them in to see my dad, and have to leave, I couldn't get rid of that sick feeling. I was so lightheaded. We stayed all day. His condition declined all day. But he was lingering. Finally, the nurses and family all thought maybe we should go, maybe he wants to be alone. I was willing to do ANYTHING to help my dad go home to Jesus. I won't describe to you my last moment with my dad, words can't express what that was like. But, I can tell you that I feel a peace inside of me knowing that my last words to my dad were, "I love you."

I came home, my uncles came by for awhile, then left. And I went to bed. I had a hard time falling asleep partly because I couldn't get the images of the day out of my head and also because I think I knew I would be getting a phone call in the middle of the night.

One would thing that the day my dad died would be the hardest day. No. That was the day of peace. The day before was the one that for lack of a better word, sucked.

3:45am, Heaven got another angel. My dad left this world. The nurse tells me it was peaceful. I gathered with my family again at the Hospice house. I couldn't go in the room. I looked from the door and fell apart. That wasn't my dad anymore, and it was too upsetting to see that. So I sat, while my dad's brothers went in. They called the funeral home (that I knew I wanted to use) and they came and got my dad. 7:00 am, March 12, 2012 I left the Baptist Trinity Hospice House. Six days after my dad checked in.

Tomorrow is my formal goodbye. My dad's visitation and memorial service is tomorrow. It is being held at Memphis Funeral Home and Memorial Gardens on Germantown Parkway. The visitation is from 3-4 and the memorial service begins at 4. It will be a hard day tomorrow, but it will also be a bit of closure. I know that my emotions have not peaked yet. I know I will go through different stages of grief. But, I can tell you this...I can see God's hands working in all of this. And I am truly amazed.

Thank you again for all of the kind words of encouragement, prayers, and comments. I have read them all (whether they be texts, e-mails, facebook messages, and etc.) and although I haven't responded, I will soon...just as soon as I can let the dust settle from all of this.

Much love,
Katie B

Update 2 Via Katie Grisham

same as before, my bestie informing my girl group. I just copied and pasted her e-mail.

Hey Everyone

Just wanted to update all of you on Katie's dad.

Today the cardiology surgeon called Katie and wanted to meet with her today. He gave Katie his cell number and told her to call him when she got to the hospital or was close by so that they could talk in person.

Katie then got a call from her dad who said he was tired and didn't want to "do it anymore". Katie was trying to understand what her dad was trying to tell her. Was he tired of cancer treatments, tired of something else? What? Well, this evil nurse got on the phone and said, "What don't you understand? Your dad is tired. If he is tired that does not mean he is giving up". Katie basically had to defend herself on the phone with a nurse who knows nothing about compassion apparently. I want her fired.

When she got to the hospital her dad and the doctors had made the decision that they would bring in hospice to see if he was eligible for their care. I think you have to fall under certain requirements. He did not want to have heart surgery. They did put the instrument in, that I referred to as a strainer earlier, to catch the blood clots. But he will not have the blood clot removed that is lodged in the hole in his heart.

Katie had to sign off on discontinuation of surgical procedures and no resuscitation. These were her dads wishes and she is supporting him in this decision because it is his ultimate decision to make.

She had three choices. $240 a day for her dad to go home and have hospice care. If he were to go into a nursing home like setting with hospice care it would be $250 a day. Then the third option is a hospice home care at a location in Collierville. It's actually right behind Collierville Baptist Hospital. It sounded like the best choice. It would basically be a home for him where all food and necessities would be provided (but not like a nursing home) with hospice there all the time and it's a really nice setup for $195 a day. Katie immediately started thinking wow this is going to be pretty expensive no matter what choice. She was making plans to sell his car and put his house on the market.

Here is the best part. The home for $195 a day was started by a gentleman whose kids all went to Totally Kids/Collierville Christian Academy! Katie even taught some of his kids. He wanted to meet up with Katie and her mom and the amount has gone from $195 to $30 a day. What a blessing! Gotta love those God winks!!!! :) They are picking Katie's dad up from the hospital tomorrow for hospice care at his new home.

I know this has been a really terrible event, but what amazing strength Katie has had throughout all of this! I hope I have translated everything correctly. We love you Katie B!!!

Love, Katie G

Update via Katie Grisham

My best friend wrote this e-mail to our girl group updating everyone about what's going on. It's all really painful to rehash, so I'm going to let her words do it for me.

Katie Grisham says:

Hey Everyone,

Just wanted to send you guys a quick update on Katie's dad. I know I don't need to say this because all of you know but here it goes...Katie is going through A LOT having to make decisions for her dad, keep everyone updated, be a teacher, a daughter, wife and mommy to little Bella. SO...you can only imagine how crazy it has been balancing all of these things and trying to keep it together. I told her I would be happy to keep all of you updated because she has been fortunate enough to have all of you thinking about her and praying for her and her family. She is so exhausted and emotionally drained she could not put the email together right now but wanted you guys to know what was going on.

Please bare with me. This was a lot of info and a lot of the medical stuff was over my head but I think I've gotten most of it (If not all of it) right.

The recent problem started when her dad started talking funny on Tuesday. He was saying things that weren't fitting into a conversation and it wasn't just the typical "hospital stay psychosis". I think this is something called expressive dysphasia. For example, he was saying it was year 3000 and something when asked the year. She was very alarmed and notified the nurse that was on her dad's case. The nurse said that numerous doctors had been keeping up with him and none of them found anything to be alarming and she didn't know what else could be done. Katie knew something wasn't right but wasn't sure what to do especially after the nurse kept shrugging off her concern. Katie's Mom then tried to talk to the nurse because she knew Katie was very uncomfortable about the whole deal and knew something was wrong. Again, the nurse was hateful to her mom too. Her dad even asked Ms. Kathy about when they were going to get married and if they were planning on having children. Very out of character things. But later might ask when the Tigers were playing again and if it was going to be on TV. So there was pretty odd communication going on.

Wednesday they were preparing for her dad to have another surgical procedure to have the colostomy bag put in. When the surgeon, who Katie really likes, spoke to her dad for 3 minutes or less he immediately called off the surgery. He needed to have some tests run because he knew these were signs that Katie's dad must have had a stroke. Why that horrific nurse didn't listen and know that I do not know!!!!

All day Thursday they ran tests on her dad and the cardiologist met with her yesterday. Her dad has been having mini strokes because the artery going from his heart to his brain, which after looking some of this stuff up I think is the Carotid Artery, is the clogged artery. They cannot go in and clear the clogged artery that is causing the strokes because if they do it will send the bad (I'm thinking plaque but it might be what they use to clear the artery) into his brain. So they are having to put him on blood thinners in order to try and clear up the artery. On top of that...

The blood thinners is a good thing to fix the stroke problem but not when we go back to the Cancer problem. When he went into the hospital he was bleeding from his rectum and the blood thinners can cause that to start again.

ALSO, the cardiologist explained to Katie that everyone is born with a hole in their heart. 75% of the people's hole in their heart closes up on its own but in the other 25% the hole doesn't close up. Katie's dad is one of the 25%. Apparently, a blood clot has lodged into the hole in his heart throughout all of this. Katie's quote "what are the odds of that happening in that exact spot?". If this blood clot ruptures it could cause a massive stroke. SO basically this is a time bomb waiting to happen. On a person who does not have multiple medical conditions like Katie's dad they would immediately go in and have surgery to remove the blood clot and sew the heart up. Due to her dad having all of this going on at once "there isn't a surgeon that would do a procedure on him right now". When the cardiologist told Katie all of this information Katie had a meltdown. OF COURSE! I would have been laying on the floor. This is a horrible situation to be in. She wants to do everything in her power to save her dad's life so she was desperate for advice and told this to the cardiologist. He seemed to feel for her after the meltdown. He told her he would call the best surgeon in Memphis.

The surgeon was supposed to come around the hospital late last night so Katie, Chris and her Mom waited around until about 10:00 p.m. She had to go home and get some rest. She left but told the nurses to have him call her if he came around. The nurses weren't sure if he was still coming around or how late it could be. The new surgeon called her at 12:00 a.m. this morning and went into detail about all that the cardiologist had told her about earlier yesterday. He did seem very positive about working on his case. He said was going to go through some records of her dads and go pretty far back in his history too. He said he would have to talk to every single doctor on the case before he could make the decision whether it was in the best interest to have the surgical procedure to remove the blood clot. He said if he studied the records and spoke to everyone on the case he would be willing to move forward with surgery this weekend. But that is IF he feels like the surgery would be the best move.

I have included Katie in this email because of course she wants to be apart of the emails but it is hard for her to emotionally rehash this event over and over. She is going through what most of us (hopefully) will not have to go through for years with our own parents. Hearing all of it made my head spin. I asked her if we could make dinner for her and Chris or do anything and mainly she just wants to get together and laugh and talk about everyday stuff and have some time away from the madness. Maybe we can all get together again soon even if it is just an hour. This is a nightmare for her. I know there is a great purpose that God has for all of this going on it is just really hard to see right now. And her dad is lucky to have such a loving and caring daughter going through this with him and really handling it all on her own for him since he still doesn't know what is going on. We are so blessed to have each other and I am reminded of this every day when we go through struggles and have each other to turn to.

Lets keep praying ladies!!!!!!!! And Katie if you have to correct some of this I'm sorry. :( Love you all very much, Katie G.