Why is it still shocking?

September 12 will mark 6 months since my Dad died.  It really doesn't seem like it's been that long.  When people say that you have to find your "new normal" after something like this happens, they are right.  However, my "new normal" doesn't feel quite right, yet.

After spending much of January - April not running due to circumstances, I jumped back into running full force.  I think I overdid it a little!  I wound up getting Achilles Tendinitis.  NO FUN.  I wound up having to take about a 3 week break from running, and even now, I'm not up to full speed.

However, I am enjoying other workouts.  When the weather was nice for awhile, I went on "mall walks" at the park...haha.  I also go to the gym use the elliptical.  The elliptical was suggested to me by the doctor.  It doesn't cause as much "shock" to the injured area, and it's great for stretching it out.

Nothing is worse that not being able to run when you want to.  Can I get an Amen?

I'm back at work, and loving it!  My new class is a bit of a challenge but we are, "WELL ON OUR WAY!"  I am loving seeing all of my work friends again.  I'm loving cooking dinner at night.  I'm loving having lazy moments!  All of these things became foreign to me while my dad was sick.  There was no free time.  There was no cooking dinner at night.  For the time being, I am not taking any of these things for granted! (Let's hope it stays that way!)

But here is the troubling part, sometimes I "forget" my Dad is gone.  Let me explain.  I know he died, but sometimes I "remember" at the strangest of times.  For example, I see pistachio nuts, and then I think of my Dad, and then I think, "I can't believe he's gone."  I go to church every Sunday (also where he went to church) and at the same intersection I think, "I can't believe he's gone."  I hear about the Tiger Football team sucking and again I think, "I can't believe he's gone."  I look at his set of keys in my cup holder in my car and I think, " I can't believe he's gone."  

When does that stop?  Does it ever?

I'm not exactly sure why I felt the need to blog about this tonight, but I did.  I hope that all of my teacher friends have started off to a FANTASTIC school year.

I'm thinking that my next blog post (that might come in 14 months, lol) will have to be about something else.  Maybe blogging about different things will help me move past these strange thoughts and feelings.

Thank you to those of you who continue to cover me in prayer!  I love you all!

KB

Summertime is bittersweet...

Wow, blogger has changed since the last time I posted!  I can't tell if I like it or not.  I guess we will find out. 

So, the last time I left my blog, I was in a completely different place.  My blog switched from a place to air out my thoughts about random daily things, photos, and fun moments.  It transitioned quickly to a place for me to mark the cancer journey that my dad was about to embark on, and then it transitioned again to a place for me to post the latest information regarding what was going on with my dad.  I had so many sweet, wonderful people asking about him.  I must admit, rehashing the story was becoming harder and harder.  I had people wanting to know how my dad was, and I was neglecting to call them and update them.  It wasn't on purpose, I promise, it was out of sheer forgetfulness.  If you are one of those people, I'm sorry.  Then my blog transitioned again, to the place where I reflected on the last days with my dad.  Y'all, I'm being completely honest when I say this, when I started blogging about my dad in January, I didn't think I would end up with the latest post, "47 days."  I didn't think he would die.  I had the "thought."  But, I didn't think it would happen. 

I promise that one day, hopefully sooner than later, this blog can transition back to the fun stuff, the random news, and the fun pictures.  However, this blog is an online journal right?  I need to write what is on my mind, and well...everything I've been through is what is on my mind. 

Summertime is bittersweet.

I cried on the last day of school.  I will miss my sweet students.  I will miss working with my associate teacher.  I will miss my friends at school.  But, that's not why I cried.  I will see my sweet students every day next year as they walk in the 4th grade room.  I will work again with my associate teacher.  I will see my friends at school.  You see, leaving St. George's for the summer, means that I can't hide anymore.  St. George's kept me busy, and more importantly, St. George's kept me strong.  Now I have this huge bag of emotional, for lack of a better word, crap to go through, and I'm not ready for it.  That...is why I cried. 

My dad and I did not have a good relationship for the better part of my life.  Starting about age 13ish, you know, those bratty teenage years we had a rocky relationship.  It was a long string of events that is a blur when I look back on it.  There were the typical fight with your parents moments, unreasonable teenage reasoning skills, and the stubborn side of me that said, "I'm always right."  Then, there was a divorce.  A divorce that lead me to seeking more about myself, and I'll admit I did that through counseling.  That counseling lead me to realize that my dad had emotionally damaged me.  I was right, a lot of the time.  He was wrong in a lot of what he did.  There were nasty fights that lead to periods of time where I wasn't speaking to him.  There were heated moments, including the moment when he told me he wouldn't be coming to my wedding.  There were moments like when he called to apologize and beg to be invited back to the wedding and I told him no.  Oh, ouch.  It hurts my heart to say that.  When I spoke to several wise people about that, they assured me I made all the right decisions.  But, if I'm being honest, there is a tinge of regret there. 

Last summer, my dad and I were not speaking.  It was after the wedding.  Before the summer began, I asked Chris to call my dad.  I wanted to open the lines of communication back up again.  My dad told him, "Maybe we can talk again, in a year."  Chris quickly reminded him, a lot can happen in a year.  A year later, my dad is no longer here. 

We did reconnect.  LAST summer, one of my dad's good friends called me.  My dad was in the hospital.  He had abdominal surgery on some pretty bad abscesses.  She called because she was worried about how he was doing, and knew I needed to be involved.  So, I guess you can say that God made my dad open up the lines of communication.  He spent the better part of the summer there.  Had 2 or 3 surgeries while he was there.  Our relationship slowly mended.  It was never the same, but it was better. 

He went home from the hospital, and he even was told by the hospital staff to go an see someone about the "situation" which turned out later to be cancer.  We talked often, mostly about Memphis Tiger's sports.  We talked about safe topics.  Avoided the hot spots.  We got together during holidays.  I would say that my worry for my dad's health began around Thanksgiving.  When he came over for dinner, used the restroom and I later found that he left blood on the toilet seat.  Of course I asked him about it.  He said that he just had bad hemorrhoids (sorry, TMI) and he was going to go to a specialist just after the holidays.  He said that he knew he was going to have to have surgery on them, and he didn't want to spend Christmas in the hospital. 

And that is how he arrived at January 26, 2012.  When he went to see Dr. Matthew and was rushed to the hospital. 

In retrospect, everything about the situation that I dealt with, in regards to my dad, it makes sense that I am here, pondering his death.  We had horrible nurse experiences, numerous doctors, and countless surgeries, procedures and tests run.  None of these factors ever once told us that my dad was dying.  But now, when I look back.  When my dad was here for Thanksgiving, he was dying then. 

That's the thing that hospice teaches you.  The dying process can last for up to 6 months.  How long was Baptist hospital going to cut, test, and poke my dad until he died?  I have no idea.  The morning that he called me wanting to, "give up," I didn't know what to do.  I was so glad that Father James, from school, could go with me.  I can describe what it's like to sign DNR on your dad.  I can't explain what it's like to frantically go to my dad's bank to have them help me figure out finances and how to arrange his funds in such a way that I would have access to them after he passed.  I can't explain to you what it's like to pull up to a hospice house and say, "so this is where people go to die." 

I find myself wanting to go back to the hospice house.  I want to see if that sweet man that walked up and down the hall in his pajamas is still able to walk.  I want to know if that little old lady across from my dad's room is still alive.  None of those people will leave alive, so why do I want to know this? 

Baptist and Hospice send you letters telling you that it's okay to grieve.  Really? Thanks, I didn't know.  But, here is the million dollar question, how do you grieve when you have the kind of relationship that I had with my dad.  I would love to find the person who wrote the book that will help me through this specific situation. 

So here is what I am left with.  A lot of memories, both good and bad, mountains of medical bills, a peace lily that I can't keep alive because I do NOT have a green thumb, an attorney that won't call me back because my dad's estate is not the most important thing on his plate right now, a condo to sell, a storage unit full of things that belonged to my dad, voice mails from my dad that I can't delete, phone numbers stored in my phone that I have disconnected because no one is there to pick up on the other end(again I can't delete them), and a feeling inside that I can't explain. 

When my dad was in the hospital, and on hospice I was very close to God.  We constantly were in connection.  My day was a constant prayer with him.  Well, now that my dad is gone, it's like I forgot what it's like to talk to Him.  I'm working on my prayer life with him again.  I still love the Lord.  Please don't get me wrong.  I just don't know what to say.  I guess that goes back to the sign that I have in my kitchen again, "God knows your prayers, even when you can't find the words to say them." 

Thank you to all of my family and friends for making these past several months much easier just because you are in my life.  I can't begin to describe the love that I have in my heart for all of you.  I promise one day, hopefully sooner rather than later, this blog will go back to what it was.  But, for now, I need to get this stuff out.  Thanks for listening, or um..reading? 

Much love,
Katie B.

47 Days

It all comes down to 47 days.

47 days that I didn't know to treasure until I hit day 41, the day my Dad decided to go into Hospice care.

Monday, March 5th my dad called me at work. He was done fighting. In hide sight, he was right. One problem after another kept coming up. And not little problems, major ones. Katie Grisham updated you on all of that.

March 5th Father James (from my school) came to the hospital with me. By the time I got there around noon, my dad had already been assessed and recommended by a doctor for Hospice care. He was accepted. Hospice? Really? Had I overlooked how bad my Dad's condition was? It was time to IMMEDIATELY spring into action.

How was I going to pay for all of this? Where was I going to take my dad to let him live out the rest of his days? Who could help me?

That is the thing about these situations, people ask you "How can I help?" I wanted to say so many times, "Can you please become my Dad's Power of Attorney?" I am 27 years old. I thought I was grown up. Nope. Adulthood was facing me head on.

Baptist Trinity Hospice House...you are amazing. Not only was I able to get an affordable rate, but you also gave my dad the best care I could ever imagine.

I had to make some tough financial decisions to make. I had to make these decisions because 1, I needed to pay for my dad's hospice care and 2, I needed money for a funeral. Did I just say funeral?

6 days...

My Dad was on hospice 6 days. The first day he was there, he didn't really want to talk. I wanted my Dad to say to me so badly, "Katie, you did a good job, this place is really nice." I didn't get that response. I got, "It's really quiet here." It was quiet in comparison to the hospital. But, I guess I was just looking for some reassurance that he was okay with the decision I made. He was very quiet on day 1. But in comparison to the remaining 5, it was the most that my Dad talked to me.

Everyday he went downhill. Day 2, he would rouse and talk to me. We would have somewhat of a conversation. I tried to keep it lighthearted. I talked to him about things like basketball, and things going on in the news. Day 2 was also when the social worker met with me. She explained that based on their assessment, it was likely that according to my Dad's situation he had days to weeks left to live...not months. She said as uncomfortable as it's going to be, you need to begin thinking about funeral arrangements.

It is very strange to talk about your Dad's funeral before he's gone. It was something I HAD to do, but it left me with this sick feeling that I don't ever want to feel again.

Day 3, I got little to no response from my dad. However, I did have news to tell him which was that his brothers from Connecticut were coming down to see him. These are brothers that he was estranged from, so having them down for a visit was a big deal. I wanted my dad to hang in there until they got there. They had unfinished business to attend to. I reminded my dad every day that they were coming, just keep hanging on.

Day 4, even more limited response. Things were looking grim, and I knew it. Did I still want to accept that my Dad was dying? No. Because people told me he could hang on for DAYS like this. I still had DAYS.

Day 5, his brothers arrived. I was so overjoyed to see my uncles. I was worried about how things would go down when we got to the hospice house. I can tell you this though, I witnessed a miracle. Day 5, my dad responded very little, but I could tell by the reaction on his face that he knew who had come to see him. I also witnessed forgiveness. TRUE forgiveness. The moment they walked in, saw my dad, and talked to him...they forgave him. It was instant. Their faces changed. My heart was so happy for my dad.

The morning of Day 6, I called early in the morning to check on my dad. His nurse Tammy (who I loved!) told me these exact words, "Your dad is actively dying." Ton of bricks. Hit. Hard. It was real. I panicked. I hadn't chosen a funeral home, I hadn't gotten all of the financial stuff in order, I hadn't had enough time! There was not enough time!

I quickly showered, called my uncles, and my mom and we met at the hospice house. My mom and I arrived first. I walked in, saw my dad, and broke completely down. I don't even want to describe what I saw, it was too painful. I sat on the couch and cried. The nurse pulled me out. My head was spinning. No one, I mean NO ONE, prepares you for stuff like this. I prayed out loud for God to take my dad. I couldn't take how my dad looked, I couldn't take the fact that I thought he was suffering, I simply couldn't take it. Once all of the family arrive at the hospice house, they took our family into a meeting room and explained to us what was going on. The church was called in, and we took vigil at the Hospice house that day. I couldn't stay in the room with my dad for more than a couple of minutes at a time. I felt physically sick to my stomach, lightheaded and dizzy. Many people came by that day, my close friends, family, church members, you name it. I would walk them in to see my dad, and have to leave, I couldn't get rid of that sick feeling. I was so lightheaded. We stayed all day. His condition declined all day. But he was lingering. Finally, the nurses and family all thought maybe we should go, maybe he wants to be alone. I was willing to do ANYTHING to help my dad go home to Jesus. I won't describe to you my last moment with my dad, words can't express what that was like. But, I can tell you that I feel a peace inside of me knowing that my last words to my dad were, "I love you."

I came home, my uncles came by for awhile, then left. And I went to bed. I had a hard time falling asleep partly because I couldn't get the images of the day out of my head and also because I think I knew I would be getting a phone call in the middle of the night.

One would thing that the day my dad died would be the hardest day. No. That was the day of peace. The day before was the one that for lack of a better word, sucked.

3:45am, Heaven got another angel. My dad left this world. The nurse tells me it was peaceful. I gathered with my family again at the Hospice house. I couldn't go in the room. I looked from the door and fell apart. That wasn't my dad anymore, and it was too upsetting to see that. So I sat, while my dad's brothers went in. They called the funeral home (that I knew I wanted to use) and they came and got my dad. 7:00 am, March 12, 2012 I left the Baptist Trinity Hospice House. Six days after my dad checked in.

Tomorrow is my formal goodbye. My dad's visitation and memorial service is tomorrow. It is being held at Memphis Funeral Home and Memorial Gardens on Germantown Parkway. The visitation is from 3-4 and the memorial service begins at 4. It will be a hard day tomorrow, but it will also be a bit of closure. I know that my emotions have not peaked yet. I know I will go through different stages of grief. But, I can tell you this...I can see God's hands working in all of this. And I am truly amazed.

Thank you again for all of the kind words of encouragement, prayers, and comments. I have read them all (whether they be texts, e-mails, facebook messages, and etc.) and although I haven't responded, I will soon...just as soon as I can let the dust settle from all of this.

Much love,
Katie B

Update 2 Via Katie Grisham

same as before, my bestie informing my girl group. I just copied and pasted her e-mail.

Hey Everyone

Just wanted to update all of you on Katie's dad.

Today the cardiology surgeon called Katie and wanted to meet with her today. He gave Katie his cell number and told her to call him when she got to the hospital or was close by so that they could talk in person.

Katie then got a call from her dad who said he was tired and didn't want to "do it anymore". Katie was trying to understand what her dad was trying to tell her. Was he tired of cancer treatments, tired of something else? What? Well, this evil nurse got on the phone and said, "What don't you understand? Your dad is tired. If he is tired that does not mean he is giving up". Katie basically had to defend herself on the phone with a nurse who knows nothing about compassion apparently. I want her fired.

When she got to the hospital her dad and the doctors had made the decision that they would bring in hospice to see if he was eligible for their care. I think you have to fall under certain requirements. He did not want to have heart surgery. They did put the instrument in, that I referred to as a strainer earlier, to catch the blood clots. But he will not have the blood clot removed that is lodged in the hole in his heart.

Katie had to sign off on discontinuation of surgical procedures and no resuscitation. These were her dads wishes and she is supporting him in this decision because it is his ultimate decision to make.

She had three choices. $240 a day for her dad to go home and have hospice care. If he were to go into a nursing home like setting with hospice care it would be $250 a day. Then the third option is a hospice home care at a location in Collierville. It's actually right behind Collierville Baptist Hospital. It sounded like the best choice. It would basically be a home for him where all food and necessities would be provided (but not like a nursing home) with hospice there all the time and it's a really nice setup for $195 a day. Katie immediately started thinking wow this is going to be pretty expensive no matter what choice. She was making plans to sell his car and put his house on the market.

Here is the best part. The home for $195 a day was started by a gentleman whose kids all went to Totally Kids/Collierville Christian Academy! Katie even taught some of his kids. He wanted to meet up with Katie and her mom and the amount has gone from $195 to $30 a day. What a blessing! Gotta love those God winks!!!! :) They are picking Katie's dad up from the hospital tomorrow for hospice care at his new home.

I know this has been a really terrible event, but what amazing strength Katie has had throughout all of this! I hope I have translated everything correctly. We love you Katie B!!!

Love, Katie G

Update via Katie Grisham

My best friend wrote this e-mail to our girl group updating everyone about what's going on. It's all really painful to rehash, so I'm going to let her words do it for me.

Katie Grisham says:

Hey Everyone,

Just wanted to send you guys a quick update on Katie's dad. I know I don't need to say this because all of you know but here it goes...Katie is going through A LOT having to make decisions for her dad, keep everyone updated, be a teacher, a daughter, wife and mommy to little Bella. SO...you can only imagine how crazy it has been balancing all of these things and trying to keep it together. I told her I would be happy to keep all of you updated because she has been fortunate enough to have all of you thinking about her and praying for her and her family. She is so exhausted and emotionally drained she could not put the email together right now but wanted you guys to know what was going on.

Please bare with me. This was a lot of info and a lot of the medical stuff was over my head but I think I've gotten most of it (If not all of it) right.

The recent problem started when her dad started talking funny on Tuesday. He was saying things that weren't fitting into a conversation and it wasn't just the typical "hospital stay psychosis". I think this is something called expressive dysphasia. For example, he was saying it was year 3000 and something when asked the year. She was very alarmed and notified the nurse that was on her dad's case. The nurse said that numerous doctors had been keeping up with him and none of them found anything to be alarming and she didn't know what else could be done. Katie knew something wasn't right but wasn't sure what to do especially after the nurse kept shrugging off her concern. Katie's Mom then tried to talk to the nurse because she knew Katie was very uncomfortable about the whole deal and knew something was wrong. Again, the nurse was hateful to her mom too. Her dad even asked Ms. Kathy about when they were going to get married and if they were planning on having children. Very out of character things. But later might ask when the Tigers were playing again and if it was going to be on TV. So there was pretty odd communication going on.

Wednesday they were preparing for her dad to have another surgical procedure to have the colostomy bag put in. When the surgeon, who Katie really likes, spoke to her dad for 3 minutes or less he immediately called off the surgery. He needed to have some tests run because he knew these were signs that Katie's dad must have had a stroke. Why that horrific nurse didn't listen and know that I do not know!!!!

All day Thursday they ran tests on her dad and the cardiologist met with her yesterday. Her dad has been having mini strokes because the artery going from his heart to his brain, which after looking some of this stuff up I think is the Carotid Artery, is the clogged artery. They cannot go in and clear the clogged artery that is causing the strokes because if they do it will send the bad (I'm thinking plaque but it might be what they use to clear the artery) into his brain. So they are having to put him on blood thinners in order to try and clear up the artery. On top of that...

The blood thinners is a good thing to fix the stroke problem but not when we go back to the Cancer problem. When he went into the hospital he was bleeding from his rectum and the blood thinners can cause that to start again.

ALSO, the cardiologist explained to Katie that everyone is born with a hole in their heart. 75% of the people's hole in their heart closes up on its own but in the other 25% the hole doesn't close up. Katie's dad is one of the 25%. Apparently, a blood clot has lodged into the hole in his heart throughout all of this. Katie's quote "what are the odds of that happening in that exact spot?". If this blood clot ruptures it could cause a massive stroke. SO basically this is a time bomb waiting to happen. On a person who does not have multiple medical conditions like Katie's dad they would immediately go in and have surgery to remove the blood clot and sew the heart up. Due to her dad having all of this going on at once "there isn't a surgeon that would do a procedure on him right now". When the cardiologist told Katie all of this information Katie had a meltdown. OF COURSE! I would have been laying on the floor. This is a horrible situation to be in. She wants to do everything in her power to save her dad's life so she was desperate for advice and told this to the cardiologist. He seemed to feel for her after the meltdown. He told her he would call the best surgeon in Memphis.

The surgeon was supposed to come around the hospital late last night so Katie, Chris and her Mom waited around until about 10:00 p.m. She had to go home and get some rest. She left but told the nurses to have him call her if he came around. The nurses weren't sure if he was still coming around or how late it could be. The new surgeon called her at 12:00 a.m. this morning and went into detail about all that the cardiologist had told her about earlier yesterday. He did seem very positive about working on his case. He said was going to go through some records of her dads and go pretty far back in his history too. He said he would have to talk to every single doctor on the case before he could make the decision whether it was in the best interest to have the surgical procedure to remove the blood clot. He said if he studied the records and spoke to everyone on the case he would be willing to move forward with surgery this weekend. But that is IF he feels like the surgery would be the best move.

I have included Katie in this email because of course she wants to be apart of the emails but it is hard for her to emotionally rehash this event over and over. She is going through what most of us (hopefully) will not have to go through for years with our own parents. Hearing all of it made my head spin. I asked her if we could make dinner for her and Chris or do anything and mainly she just wants to get together and laugh and talk about everyday stuff and have some time away from the madness. Maybe we can all get together again soon even if it is just an hour. This is a nightmare for her. I know there is a great purpose that God has for all of this going on it is just really hard to see right now. And her dad is lucky to have such a loving and caring daughter going through this with him and really handling it all on her own for him since he still doesn't know what is going on. We are so blessed to have each other and I am reminded of this every day when we go through struggles and have each other to turn to.

Lets keep praying ladies!!!!!!!! And Katie if you have to correct some of this I'm sorry. :( Love you all very much, Katie G.

Blessings

Through this entire experience, I have had SO many blessings. I said to my mom the other day that I feel like I am swimming in the deep in of a pool with a heavy robe on that is soaked to the bone and I am barely keeping my head above water. Just keep swimming. I know if I keep swimming I am going to make it to that ladder and pull myself up out of that pool.

I have had weak moments. Oh Heaven's have I. I've treated my husband like a "punching bag" at times, and he loves me anyway. I've had crying fits. It's okay. I am becoming stronger.

Everyday I try to see the blessings that God provided me with that day.

1. A student wrote a beautiful essay about me and submitted my name to be teacher of the month. The essay is way better than winning teacher of the month!

2. I have such a great relationship with my Dad's doctors. Some have even given me their cell phone numbers and home numbers. Most of them call when they make rounds and they have new information to report.

3. My dad got back in touch with his brothers. It was so great to hear their voices again. (long story)

4. My husband is so successful in the expansion of his business!

5. Even though my husband is super busy with the expansion of the business, he still finds time and ways to help me out.

6. I have friends who hugged me while I cried my eyes out about having to put my dad's dog to sleep. While I'm crying, they make comments on my cute outfit to take my mind off of it. (Megan and Stephanie)

7. I have friends who send me texts, emails, voicemails, phone calls, and facebook messages constantly checking on me.

8. My church...is amazing. The caring team is so on top of things. They send people often to check on my dad.

9. Dreta was not my dad's nurse today....blessing.

10. I took my dad's ill dog to the vet. On normal circumstances, that is something I can't handle. I did it. I prayed through every stop light on the way there...and God got me there.

11. Lucy is in a better place, and she's no longer suffering.

12. I finally felt comfortable in a room with both of my parents tonight. :)]

13. I have never felt closer to God that I do now. I feel like my mind is in constant prayer with him. I pray all day. Little praises and asks for strength. He pulls me through. Even when it feels like everything sucks...He dries my tears and tells me to get up and start moving. I'm not walking through this alone. God has placed certain people beside me to give me strength. On top of that, I'm not even walking this journey....God is carrying me.

Cancer is scary. Cancer brings out the best and worst in people. But, one thing it has brought out in my family is honesty. Just saying what is important.

"Even if your hands are shaking, and your faith is broken, even as the eyes are closin', do it with a heart wide open....say what you need to say...." -JM

Love to you all!
Katie

How are things going?

If you had asked me that question a week ago, I would have told you NOT good. It is so true when they say that a cancer patient will have their good days and their bad days.

Here is the current status of my dad: He is still in the hospital, he has completed his first round of chemo, and we are awaiting the second round to start in a few days and radiation to begin March 2nd. Not exactly sure when he's going home, but it won't be any time soon. Let me explain...

There is a nurse at Baptist East, on the cancer floor, who for the sakes of this blog will be named Dreta. Dreta because I dread all the days that she's my dad's nurse. She is manipulative, rude, and inconsiderate. Here are Dreta's latest highlights:

1. She once answered a phone call from me while I was at work like this: "What DO you NEED?" (Emphasis on the caps) Rude.

2. She refused to tell me any info about my dad over the phone without a password (that we never set up) because NO ONE TOLD ME TO AND A BAZILLION DOCTORS CALL ME EVERYDAY AND DON'T ASK FOR A PASSWORD.

3. She told my dad that I asked to doctor to with hold pain medicine from him. OMG. That is a story within itself.

4. Once said password was set up, she still refused to tell me some information.

5. She once told me on the phone, "Look, I'm having a bad day." Boo freaking hoo.

6. She walked down the hallway and loudly said, "We runnin' an ICU on this flo' huney!" I find that extremely unprofessional.

7. She once had my dad so drugged up that he didn't eat his dinner AND gave him insulin anyway, causing his blood sugar to bottom out. Talk about an almost diabetic coma!

Oh Dreta...you have been turned in to your supervisor twice by me. And a nasty letter is going to the head person at that hospital. Just as soon as I have time to write it!

My dad had some rough days. They couldn't get his pain medication right. He was either so doped up that he thought it was 1972 or so lightly medicated that he was climbing the walls with pain. Since then, they have a pain psychologist on his case which has attributed some of his pain to be psychological. They have it much more regulated now.

He has these severe mouth sores right now. They are a side effect of the chemo. They also make it extremely hard for him to eat. He has been refusing physical therapy, until today! Praise God! His blood sugar is running low because he just isn't interested in eating. He became septic due to an infection, and now he is also running the risk of getting pneumonia especially if he doesn't get out of bed more.

All that aside, he had a good day today. He got up and moved, sat in a chair for about 30 minutes and then went back to bed. I went up after work and shaved his beard off. He looks better after that. My sweet momma even came up with me. :)

This weekend was hard. I dealt with something else in addition to my dad's health issues. My dad has had a beloved beagle dog for 14 years. Lucy. Well, Lucy hadn't been eating much since my dad went in the hospital. The lady who was checking in on her was concerned. As of last week she wasn't eating ANYTHING. I called the vet (who happens to be Bella's vet) and he said that if Lucy still hasn't eaten by Friday (Feb. 17) to bring her in. So, I had a half day on Friday, and after school I went and picked up Lucy to take her to the vet because she still hadn't eaten. She was very sad looking. She would get up and walk around, but she just was so sad and sullen. I carried her to the car and took her on to the vet. He called later that day and said that upon physical examination, everything seemed ok. He ran blood work just to be safe. Well, this past Saturday he called with the results. Lucy was in kidney failure. She had at best a week to live. So, Chris went and talked to my dad about it, because I couldn't do it. He gave us the go ahead. Sweet Lucy is in Heaven now. God Bless her. I hope that she knows now that my dad didn't leave her, and that she understands that he would have taken her to the vet if he knew there was this problem. So sad.

That was HARD to deal with this weekend.

But all of that aside, I will do another post after this...and it's probably one of the most important things I'll ever write. :)

Katie